Gaming as a Career

I had several dreams on what the future for me would be like. A heroine famous laywer,

a laid back rich writer,
an essentric artist.
There are many things that held my interest and I've always been good with my hands - nothing kinky here alright~.

But nothing held my interest more then games. Board games, puzzle games, kids' games, card games, console games and the highest of obsessions, computer games. Alright, to be honest, I just love sitting down on a chair the whole day not moving but just working on a computer game. Yes~ working on it. Just solving it, traveling through it, seeing its graphics, its reaction, its interaction, its story line and all its liveness.

I'm not into games in a geeky way, knowing the names, habits and every little detail of a game. I love games for being the alternative me. The me that I wont or would not be in real life. In this sense, playing a game is just like living my dreams. A dream that will never be reality. The alternate self in me.

As time and new games passes through my life, it was hard finding time to indulge in the other me. Work and priorities came first, rest time second, and the little bit of time left was for the games.

That was where changes need to be made. Me and myself must be one again. This is where I made changes and took the other path not yet explored, making gaming as a career.

Starting a New Life

What is it all about, life?

Why are we on earth for?

Why are we all placed here?

This is not a religious search for enlightenment. I'm not into those stuff and I do not want to ponder into that area. In fact I don't really care if there is a greater purpose for all living beings. What I am searching for is the meaning for my life. The purpose that makes me being alive worth it.

Nowadays, what makes the world go round is money, fame, sex and enjoyment. What about family, love, efforts, hardship, depression, goals, dreams, nightmares, fears, danger and all the universal feelings that one might have.

There are so many things that drives me to achieve; self ambition, pride, and a better life (not for me but for my previous and next generation). Am I getting too old for my age? Yes, others might say, chill out and enjoy life. But for me I like to strive. I like the feeling of work and effort put into the things I do, and the feeling of depression along the way and the happiness at the end of the road. These are the feelings that makes me feel alive.

Why do I push myself all my life? Pushing to be top in the class when young, for the pride in the eyes of my family. Pushing in my degree for an honours, for the self satisfaction of knowing my choice is the right path. Pushing at work, for the beauty of perfection. Pushing to gain as much as I can to provide for my family; emotionally, support, and just being there.

But my greatest pleasure in the end of all these is knowing what I want out of life and out of myself. Knowing where my responsibilities lies and where my efforts should focus upon. Knowing what are the choices I should make and the steps I should take. Knowing that regrets are not worth it and to carry on.

For a new life to emerge, secrifices must be made. Some painful, some missed, some left behind. Lost time cannot be returned but can only be salvaged. Its never too late to change yourself, to start afresh and to grow yourself. With every step I take, I start a new life.